Babies: you can’t make ‘em sleep and you can’t make ‘em eat.

If there’s one truth I want parents to carry with them, it’s this: you can’t make a baby eat, and you can’t make a baby sleep. (This is true for older kids too!)

That may sound discouraging at first, but in reality, it’s freeing. Too often, parents are set up to believe that if they just follow a certain routine or checklist, their baby will eat every food and sleep through the night on schedule. When things don’t go as planned, parents are left feeling anxious, guilty, or convinced they’re doing something wrong or that something is wrong with their baby.

The truth? Babies arrive with their own unique rhythms.

The Myth of Control

It’s easy to absorb the cultural message that parents should have control over their children from the very beginning. We’re told:

- “Just make them eat it.”
- “If you do sleep training exactly right, your baby will sleep through the night.”
- “Introduce 100 foods in the first six months, and your child won’t be picky.”

But that’s not how babies work. Some babies do sleep long stretches early, and some eat almost everything offered — but some don’t. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your baby, and it certainly doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you!

Every Baby Is Different

In my 15 years of experience, I’ve seen again and again how unique each baby truly is. One baby might happily accept solids from day one, while another takes a slower, more cautious path. Some babies are “magical sleepers” at six weeks, while others need much more time before consistent nights come together.

And here’s something I really want parents to hear: you can do everything “right” and your baby still might not sleep through the night or eat every food you offer. That’s not a failure on your part — it’s just a reflection of your baby’s individuality.

This variation is normal. It’s not a reflection of how “good” a parent is, and it’s not a reflection of your baby’s worth or potential. It’s simply part of being human.

What You Can Do

If you can’t make a baby eat or sleep, what can you do? You can tweak the environment to set your baby (and yourself) up for success. Here are some ways to do that:

For Sleeping

- Set the stage for rest. Think about the atmosphere you’d want if you were trying to fall asleep — calm, dim, and predictable. A dark room, quiet background (or a steady white noise machine), and a cozy sleep space all signal to your baby that it’s time to wind down.

- Create a bedtime ritual. Bath, book, snuggle — it doesn’t have to be elaborate, just consistent. Over time, those repeated steps become your baby’s cues that sleep is coming.

- Adjust for your unique baby. Some babies respond best to a long, slow wind-down; others need a quicker routine. Figuring that out can take some trial and error, so try to think of it as an adventure of discovery with your baby rather than a checklist to master. Picture it less like finding the one “right” answer and more like tuning in together to what helps them settle. And if you’ve experimented and still feel stuck, that’s when reaching out to an infant–parent mental health specialist (like me) can give you extra support.

For Eating

- Keep mealtimes positive. Pressure-free meals build long-term comfort with food. One of the simplest ways to do this is to eat together. When everyone is eating, the spotlight isn’t only on your baby. If all eyes are on whether they take a bite, it can feel like pressure — for them and for you. And pressure rarely makes eating go better.

- Modeling: imagine the difference when your baby sees you enjoying your own meal. You’re modeling curiosity and comfort with a variety of foods, and they’re invited to join in at their own pace. That might look like putting some food on your plate and some on theirs, offering a spoonful, and then taking a bite of your own. If the high chair is a battle, let them sit on your lap for a while.

- Offer variety without stress. Exposure matters, but that doesn’t mean you need to chase trends like “100 foods in 100 days.” Blend familiar favorites along with new foods.

- Balance variety with comfort. Aim for new foods, yes, but don’t forget that enjoying the experience is just as important as what’s on the tray. Learning what your baby enjoys (and what they’re not ready for yet) is a process — more of a shared adventure than a formula you have to perfect. And if you’ve tried different approaches and are still worried, that’s when reaching out to an infant–parent mental health specialist (like me) can give you personalized support.


👉 Remember: these tweaks don’t guarantee perfection — they simply make it easier for your baby to find their rhythm and for you to feel less pressure along the way.

Shifting the Focus to Support

Parents often come to me worried: “My baby isn’t eating like my niece did,” or “My baby isn’t sleeping like my friend’s baby.” These comparisons only add stress. What’s really happening is that your baby is showing you who they are, at their own pace.

Instead of asking, “What am I doing wrong?” the more helpful question is:

- How can I adjust the environment to support my baby’s needs?
- How can I care for myself so I’m not carrying unnecessary guilt or blame?

Because most of the time, you’re not doing anything wrong — you’re simply parenting a unique child with their own rhythms.

The Takeaway

You can’t force sleep, and you can’t force eating. What you can do is create supportive conditions and give yourself permission to release the pressure. Babies grow and change at their own pace, and your job is not to control them — it’s to guide, support, and care for them along the way.

And if you’re struggling, reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re doing exactly what good parents do: seeking support for yourself and your baby.

Want more support?

I currently offer individual therapy for parents in Louisiana and Colorado. If you’d like to talk through your concerns and get personalized guidance, I’d love to help. Click the “Schedule Now” button below to set up a free consultation.